Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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