u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
