Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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