You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
