my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
