All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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