my phone needs a breathalizer
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
