i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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