how can u be prego again
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize