Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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