so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
