He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
