I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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