3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
