every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
