I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
