so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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