He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
