The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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