I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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