Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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