but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
