the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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