No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
