Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I want to be your penis for a week.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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