why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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