I molested 6 butterflies tonight
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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