Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
