I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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