Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize