well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My pussy is not your playground.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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