i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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