On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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