i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
