I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
