Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect

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(231): View more from Michigan

I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.

Fav 6 782 4142
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(719): View more from Colorado

I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.

Fav 16 5674 1838
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(760): View more from California

The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.

Fav 3 3739 1373
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(815): View more from Illinois

He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?

Fav 16 1427 4080
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.

Fav 7 4125 1559
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(732): View more from New Jersey

Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.

Fav 25 1302 4501
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(630): View more from Illinois

I'm going to smell of sex and shame.

(1-630): View more from Illinois

How is that different than any other Monday night?

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish

Fav 0 68 13
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