Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
