sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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