If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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