but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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