Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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