I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
