You don't have asthma, your pregnant
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize