so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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