he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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