so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
