I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
