If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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