There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
