you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
