very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
