she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
