The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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