I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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