smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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