Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
