I accidentally had phone sex last night
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize