the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
