At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
People with herpes should wear stickers.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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