made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
