I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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