The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
