She just used a chaser for red wine.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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