I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Randomize