Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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