mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
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